Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Here's why it makes sense

It defies logic.
Adopting in general, in fact.
It's just contrary.
It does make perfect sense, though.
And though some of it is impossible to explain in words
it's a record, for my child if nothing else.
...because I cannot physically bear any more children.
...because I solely have sons.
...because I love female companionship, always have.
...because I've always wanted 4 or more children.
...because well-meaning people always ask women with only sons if they know they can
"get a baby girl from China".
...because for this reason I have always resisted this idea
just to be unique -
so it serves me right.
...because I read Adopted for Life and it changed me.
...because my husband has grown a lump in his throat for China and her devalued daughters.
...because China's One-Child Policy coupled with its' cultural preference for boys means that girls are abandoned, orphaned, even killed quietly as the nation struggles to meet all its' needs through communism.
...because I have known several friends who have adopted from China.
...because even though I had those friends who had adopted from China,
it took my obedience to surrender my hopes of adopting
before my husband came up with the idea all on his own,
which is miraculous.
...because he had Reluctant Husband Syndrome (as Amy Block calls it).
...because when I told him about the Red Thread he said:
"Woah. I think I just felt my heart tug."
...because I know he needs a little girl in his life.
...because my boys need a little sister.
...because we BELIEVE in the redemption story that adoption portrays.
...because if it was an afforable, piece-of-cake process it wouldn't take
faith and chutzpah.
...because China has strict eligibilty guidlines which we barely meet and we still feel certain.
...because we will have to be painfully dependant on supernaturally-timed finances for China to work out.
(it figures)
...because China has slowed the process so severely for "healthy" children but basically opens the floodgates for "less-desirable" ones.
...because I am needy and lonely BUT God has captured me.
& I believe James 1:27, cliche though it sounds:
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress"
...because there's something worse than taking a risk-----
realizing you missed out because you were afraid it may not end perfectly.
...because it will take faith I don't have enough of today and grace I haven't been allotted yet.
...because if any of my 3 little boys were in an orphanage in China I would stop at
to bring them home where they belong.
...because it's in my heart.
...because it's where she is.
It's just where she is.
So then again - maybe it doesn't make sense after all.
Still, they are the facts.
All for you, my Baby Girl.
In words, spelled out so you never have to wonder.
No magic dreams, no neon signs, no waivering or waffling.
You belong here.
The Chinese proverb calls it a Red Thread -
Jews like your mother say "Beshert".
(or:) "Meant to be" in either culture.
It's you and us.
We're coming.

Monday, November 8, 2010

It's where all the cool kids go

Pretty soon this blog site will be defunct.

There will no longer be only boys ruling this roost leaving me the lone female.

Sort of sad, right?

I know, I sometimes feel that emotion, too.

I have been reading some great books, not the least of which is Mary Beth Chapman's

Choosing to SEE

which I highly reccommend.
In it, she talks some about this sadness side-by-side with the joy of adding to your family.

For myriad reasons we are about ready to pursue adoption plans and are watching, compiling, researching, waiting and praying fervently about all these things.
Reading alot.

And we are not QUITE ready to divulge all that we are preparing...yet.

Almost, though.


For the time being you can still find me on this blog site, like always.

Soon though, This Writer will be blogging over at

Here's the explanation of the title:

My aunt, Amy Bergen Hamovitz, a homeschooling, Jesus-loving, adoptive and biological Mama who went home to be with Jesus in February 2009 after an excruciating battle with thyroid cancer said to me in hushed tones in August, 2008

"You know Esty, I have always felt like a little person with a little life...

it would make more sense to me to be here and watch my children grow, walk my girls through teenaged years and see my boys become men - to me it makes more sense.

But God has used my illness in such a big, big way...

and if this is how God chooses to use me in a big way: so be it."

She had no idea how these words would affect me.

She died 6 months later.

I, too am a little person.

I, too live a fairly little life.

But God has a Big Plan.

I am starting to see it.

more to follow*............

Esty and my Aunt Amy

family reunion, Tucson, Arizona, August 2008