Thursday, December 17, 2009


Parenting is teaching me many, many lessons.

The first is that
Nothing You Read About Someone Else's Lessons Can Truly Prepare you for Your Own Lessons
but even so, I will share some of what I am learning
raising three boys and a golden retriever with the Hub.

1.~ Days when nothing is destroyed are precious and few. Cherish them.
Perhaps write them down, number them and memorialize them for future reference on days when many things are destroyed systematically.

2.~If you smell something coming up the hallway to a bedroom and think:

"My, it smells like poop up here"
don't get distracted and walk anywhere else.
Go Immediately.
Watch where you step.
Have strong stomach and weak gag relex.
3.~ Being irritated, exasperated, annoyed, or flabbergasted when you are intentionally
spooked, scared, jumped out at, teased, poked, or otherwise punk'd
will only encourage them.
Be cool.
Make sure you scare them much more effectively, tickle with less mercy, spook them scarier
and they'll be awed.
Better still sometimes they will quit.
4.~ Don't believe for a second that you just KNOW what gender baby you are having.
5.~Don't believe that you have a "laid-back baby"
because your hopital stay is quiet.
6.~Newborns make you REALLY REALLY appreciate sleep.
Sometimes they can make you loathe all other human adults you see on Earth who do not
have a newborn and can therefore sleep through the night every single night.

7.~ Kids who hit age 2 are a miracle in some ways even more than when they were
miraculously created in utero and painfully borne.
8.~ Boys inherently believe all Barbies must be something every female would want.
9.~ Boys love to see their parents kiss but are also extremely grossed out by it.
10.~ No mattter the disposition of the firstborn, adding siblings brings about a leadership, kindness, bossiness, and protective streak enough to assure anyone of
The Birth Order Rules.
11.~ Money is irrelevant. Worth is changable, rationale about the value of a toy, blanket, or creature is subjective and attachment is utmost.
When a mother sits up awaiting the cleaning process of a beloved blankie to finish
in the middle of the night because a child whispers horrified:
"I don't seep, I don't have my White BeeBee..."
you realize: money is subjective.
The BeeBee is incredibly valuable indeed.
12.~ Kids get over stuff at their own pace. This includes hatred of certain green vegetables, thumb-sucking, diaper useage, waking at night, needing naptimes
and being carried around everwhere.
Unfortunately it also includes double naps in the daytime, that toothless grin, happiness just to see you walk in the room, contentedness through milk and
the joys of a completely clear calandar.

13.~ My personal life motto:
Everthing is a phase. The good, the bad, the ugly: EVERYTHING is a phase.
14.~ You will be humiliated.
There may be unidentifiable gross-ness on your couch when company arrrives, your child may throw a tantrum at the grocery store, pee in public, ruin your clothes with vomit, call out the lady in line ahead of you for having a big rear end, crash someone's glass table to bits, show his privates to neighbohood friends, bite someone else's kid, moon his grandmother and repeat things to their teachers you hadn't thought they heard.
(These have all happened to me.)
Before you react, consider why you are embarrased.
Then die to self and don't humiliate your child in return.
15.~ Boys think their mother
the most Beautiful Princess in the World
for a season.
It rocks.
16.~ You keep other parents you admire close at hand instinctively.
17.~ Certain things just don't matter anymore.
18.~ Your kids are always the exception.

19.~ Christmas, Disney World and the beach are magical again.
20.~ You realize: I am the Mom. The Only Mom they get, poor things.
I am essential to this person turning out well.
I have to make sure they not only are fed, warm and provided for but I have to get them through school, teach them colorblindness and friendship, how to handle money and girls,
concepts of integrity, appreciation of life and beauty, and love.
I. Need. God.
I cannot do this well alone.
21.~ I am the luckiest girl alive.